Stephen Colbert's Midnight Confessions, Vol. XLII


  • Am Vor 22 Tage

    The Late Show with Stephen ColbertThe Late Show with Stephen Colbert

    Dauer: 4:41

    When I'm in a coffee shop, I only drop a tip in the jar if I'm 100-percent sure the people working there see me doing it.
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    The Late Show with Stephen Colbert is the premier late night talk show on CBS, airing at 11:35pm EST, streaming online via CBS All Access, and delivered to the International Space Station on a USB drive taped to a weather balloon. Every night, viewers can expect: Comedy, humor, funny moments, witty interviews, celebrities, famous people, movie stars, bits, humorous celebrities doing bits, funny celebs, big group photos of every star from Hollywood, even the reclusive ones, plus also jokes.

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marlonious
marlonious

Lucky My Alexa didn’t hear that 😅😅

Vor 4 Tage
Paul Wayne
Paul Wayne

The Froot Loops got me, and I think were all kids at Heart.

Vor 14 Tage
junglechick13
junglechick13

He knows the three laws of robotics? And loves JRR Tolkien? And Star Trek? My twin brother from another mother.

Vor 18 Tage
George Robles
George Robles

Ha! I never let Alexa in my house! yet

Vor 18 Tage
Suzette Figgs
Suzette Figgs

Alexa!!!

Vor 18 Tage
HollowMist11
HollowMist11

I'm glad they got rid of the audience shouting back "we forgive you." It was kinda cringey.

Vor 19 Tage
Atticus Finch
Atticus Finch

Sorry father i have altered little boys with a wad of bills on my face. Cornholebert

Vor 19 Tage
Matthew Jones
Matthew Jones

Jokes on you, I'm watching this on YouTube

Vor 19 Tage
Bthsr71
Bthsr71

I will freely admit to enjoying taco bell.

Vor 19 Tage
TheWrendre
TheWrendre

My Alexa activated for like 2 seconds before realising it's not real

Vor 19 Tage
Bryce Walburn
Bryce Walburn

1:18 - was there a joke here?

Vor 19 Tage
shahryar Azimzadeh
shahryar Azimzadeh

it was a while since your last confession. do more

Vor 20 Tage
clumsiii
clumsiii

Nobody died on the "FIrst Law of Robotics" but me (1:47)

Vor 20 Tage
Bozo The Clown
Bozo The Clown

this is the first GLORY HOLE and that's FACT. you can delete my post but you cannot hide the facts forever! Sinéad O'Connor in 1992 told the truth about the catholic priests and she was called a liar when in fact she told the truth. the corporate media knew the priests were raping children since the 20s to current but NEVER once reported it. that makes the corporate media accessories to the rapes and molestations.

Vor 20 Tage
Phira N
Phira N

I'm curious to know how many people's Alexa actually responded.

Vor 20 Tage
britainluver431
britainluver431

I have a confession, I crossed the border into Mexico for a better life.

Vor 20 Tage
--
--

Audience: my self-driving car quit taking me to Taco Bell citing the first law of robotics... too funny!!!!

Vor 20 Tage
Tzui
Tzui

Midnight confessions isn't lol funny anymore 🙁

Vor 20 Tage
Marcus Boyd
Marcus Boyd

With a name like Tyrone, you'd think Stephen would be more open to Christ being brown, not white... supremacy comes in all shapes, sizes, and religions.

Vor 20 Tage
Petyr Kowalski
Petyr Kowalski

3 Hail Marys and 4 Our Fathers and you are forgiven.

Vor 20 Tage
Javon Phidd
Javon Phidd

Jokes on you I have a Google Home

Vor 20 Tage
Andrew Kottenstette
Andrew Kottenstette

Stephen Colbert eating is now as famous as Chico Marx playing piano.

Vor 20 Tage
Mary Rose Kent
Mary Rose Kent

Andrew Kottenstette I’m one of a handful of people who even get your reference, but am pleased you made it! 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

Vor 6 Stunden
Nightingale Bou
Nightingale Bou

There is no one like Steven

Vor 20 Tage
Marie Carroll
Marie Carroll

☺️ At 2:45 I got a little tickle somewhere. hehehehe ❤️

Vor 20 Tage
Hannah
Hannah

'...citing the first law of robotics.' I love you Stephen!!!

Vor 20 Tage
Mike Stangel
Mike Stangel

That Alexa joke had me in stitches! Good on you Colbert

Vor 20 Tage
J T
J T

Thanks to Colbert,CNN,Kimmel and the like ! Antifa and Democrats will be Rioting,Looting and Destroying Property AGAIN !! Angry Mob will soon be out of control!

Vor 21 Tag
Mary Rose Kent
Mary Rose Kent

Smilley MLK 💖perfect💖

Vor 6 Stunden
Smilley MLK
Smilley MLK

Please remind me, the member of which group ran over and killed a member of the others in Charlottesville?

Vor 20 Tage
72marshflower15
72marshflower15

fun fact: most candies and flavored cereals get their flavors from tropical fruits.. fruit loops gets its flavor from the tropical fruit "rollenia"... if you ever are somewhere and find it, enjoy 🤗

Vor 21 Tag
Duke The Creator
Duke The Creator

Is this not a rip off of jimmy fallons "thank you notes" and "im sorry notes"

Vor 21 Tag
Duke The Creator
Duke The Creator

+Mary Rose Kent umm, like i said jimmy fallon had it first! Lol your statement refutes itself!

Vor 6 Stunden
Mary Rose Kent
Mary Rose Kent

Duke The Creator Who’s been around longer and who’s more likely to crib from whom?

Vor 6 Stunden
Nj Osborne
Nj Osborne

👉🏽♨️JSL♨️👈🏾

Vor 21 Tag
zoran susnjar
zoran susnjar

I'm really genuinely annoyed at that stupid, generic prerecorded choral "AAAH!" swoop that serves as the "music" for this. Why is it here stepping on a perfectly perfect excuse to hear JB&SH bust out even EIGHT MEASLEY BARS of this song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J07CWEYupn4

Vor 21 Tag
Matt Bennett
Matt Bennett

Why are you on the priest's side, and not the confessor's side, of the confessional screen, Stephen?

Vor 21 Tag
Meren Edna Marie King
Meren Edna Marie King

You are amazing. Lolol

Vor 21 Tag
Cliff Diving Monkeys
Cliff Diving Monkeys

Stephanie Colbert's midnight man crushes :-) #colbertmancrushontrump #hypocriticalsellout #oneweirdear

Vor 21 Tag
Doopy Loops
Doopy Loops

The concept of you waiting an hour to tip visibly deserves more of a laugh than you received.

Vor 21 Tag
The Dragon Trilogy
The Dragon Trilogy

3:00 which one?

Vor 21 Tag
Michael Bootes
Michael Bootes

That's why he lost the beard. He knew they were watching and assessing

Vor 21 Tag
Richard Thompson
Richard Thompson

George Costanza had the same attitude towards tipping

Vor 21 Tag
Luthien Seldomane
Luthien Seldomane

Oh my god lawl.... when he throws that confession window open I swear his lip quivered trying not to laugh...

Vor 21 Tag
Logan White
Logan White

XD first law of robotics hahahah

Vor 21 Tag
Khristmas
Khristmas

The audience did not forgive him!!

Vor 21 Tag
The Docklighter
The Docklighter

Ha, ha! I have my wake word set to "frplLoopdeLoop"! Crap! Now I have to change it. 😫

Vor 21 Tag
57&justgointowaist
57&justgointowaist

SO REFRESHING! And hilarious.

Vor 21 Tag
microtech5871
microtech5871

So what happened to the rest of the "I get to work an hour late" line?

Vor 21 Tag
Ty Cobb
Ty Cobb

Stephan is funny if you can get him off of Trump

Vor 21 Tag
vazak11
vazak11

Don't waste food Steven!

Vor 21 Tag
msteaguer1908
msteaguer1908

I love these, I have the book.

Vor 22 Tage
Tesseractahedron
Tesseractahedron

That 1 episode of the last 681 was the interview with Trump.

Vor 22 Tage
Smilley MLK
Smilley MLK

Or the Election Night Special.

Vor 20 Tage
Big Boss
Big Boss

What happened to tea for Tuesday

Vor 22 Tage
zizinnnn
zizinnnn

never grow up, Stephen ♥️

Vor 22 Tage
lazyperfectionist1
lazyperfectionist1

"I live in fear of the night when armed men drag me from my bed at gunpoint and force me to be the next KFC colonel." I think Reba McIntyre's got that gig locked down. You can stop worrying about that.

Vor 22 Tage
Steve Jarvis
Steve Jarvis

Why the heck did I just get 20 bundles of bounty paper towels?! WTF?!

Vor 22 Tage
Miss Katonic
Miss Katonic

I'm so glad I don't have Alexa xD

Vor 22 Tage
vikki davina
vikki davina

Good thing Alexa only listens to Jasper...our African Grey. 😏

Vor 22 Tage
Gie Diola
Gie Diola

Come on Stephen, you should be one of the Colonels 😍😍😍😍

Vor 22 Tage
Nini L
Nini L

Im glad I had Alexa muted

Vor 22 Tage
Polar Bear Editing
Polar Bear Editing

This activated my Alexa but she she went right back to playing ambient sounds. She ain't falling for your shenanigans!

Vor 22 Tage
izhr
izhr

One of his best segments!

Vor 22 Tage
RatKeeperDude
RatKeeperDude

Joke's on you. My wakeword is set to "computer".

Vor 22 Tage
Anthony The Invincible Iron Man Stark
Anthony The Invincible Iron Man Stark

Jokes on you, I'm using f.r.i.d.a.y.

Vor 22 Tage
canturk yilmaz
canturk yilmaz

... But Life takes over and there just isn't enough time before Netflix starts playing the next episode.. wow Colbert wow

Vor 22 Tage
Brian
Brian

This is why I don't have Alexa... well that, and the fact that she has a restraining order against me.

Vor 22 Tage
Tyler Durden
Tyler Durden

Procter & Gamble buying a placement for bounty. Do they think that's enough to cover Gellette losses?

Vor 22 Tage
ursaltydog
ursaltydog

dang.. they took down the Michael Moore interview..

Vor 22 Tage
Saam
Saam

@1:54 that's some serious geek cred, Steph.

Vor 22 Tage
Pausen Think
Pausen Think

It's been way too long without one of these. One of his best bits.

Vor 22 Tage
Dodelijke Koninkrijk
Dodelijke Koninkrijk

Snitches get stitches Stephen. And I ain't no snitch. Tell away.

Vor 22 Tage
Gary Phillips
Gary Phillips

this guy is a national prize. funniest shit ever.

Vor 22 Tage
acct4u
acct4u

The organ music was HILARIOUS!!!!!!

Vor 22 Tage
BetterWorkItOut
BetterWorkItOut

LOL my internet is off and my Alexa responded with such information. Jokes on you! Haha but seriously, that was funny.

Vor 22 Tage
Eisdax
Eisdax

1:48 I know what Gaige would say to that.

Vor 22 Tage
Peak Hawking
Peak Hawking

0:32 LOL If i was a priest, id be laughing throughout the whole confession. The cover photo alone is hilarious. Good to see quality comedy this day and age.

Vor 22 Tage
Moonlit
Moonlit

I would watch a Stephen Colbert Mukbang video! 💕🍜😊

Vor 22 Tage
mori1bund
mori1bund

The first law of robotics joke is so far over the audience's head... ^^

Vor 22 Tage
acct4u
acct4u

+Grace Skerp Jealous?

Vor 18 Tage
Grace Skerp
Grace Skerp

Not everyone has gone to the Nerd Master Classes.

Vor 18 Tage
mori1bund
mori1bund

+acct4u Ahem, no, we just know the right scifi books. ^^

Vor 22 Tage
acct4u
acct4u

I got it....we must be BIGLY smart, right?....lol

Vor 22 Tage
Juan Orozco
Juan Orozco

Jokes on u Colbert, I have Google Assistant!!!

Vor 22 Tage
Rainy Zion
Rainy Zion

The doctor told me to eat more fruit but he didn't tell me how to spell it then he poured the Froot loop into his mouth😂😂😂😂😂😂

Vor 22 Tage
KieferKhaos
KieferKhaos

My Alexa started listening and I almost spilled my glass of wine trying to interrupt you.. at least if she had heard you I would've had plenty of paper towels to clean up the wine.

Vor 22 Tage
Erika Perez
Erika Perez

Finally, Google Home’s time to shine.

Vor 22 Tage
Tripsy Madd
Tripsy Madd

Oh hey look he fixed it! Proud of you guys!

Vor 22 Tage
airhealth
airhealth

But Stephen didn’t get forgiveness from the audience. #Unforgiven

Vor 22 Tage
Ross Parlette
Ross Parlette

Livin' the dream.

Vor 22 Tage
Amy Robbins
Amy Robbins

DAMN YOUUUUU, STEPHEN COLBERT!!!!!! DAMN YOUUUUUU. Alexa, cancel order.

Vor 22 Tage
Seat Bedzeti
Seat Bedzeti

There is nothing comedy about this, brain washing idiots Who laugh

Vor 22 Tage
Succubusisis
Succubusisis

That dad joke hurt

Vor 22 Tage
Sanmay MB
Sanmay MB

Impressive tongue work 👌

Vor 22 Tage
Dave Hauthorn
Dave Hauthorn

Colbert knows which priest to confess to so that his pedophilia stays secret. It's nice when you have friends like Podesta to help. Go Steven!

Vor 22 Tage
Alika Andrade
Alika Andrade

Joke’s on you, Stephen. I’m pretty sure the microphone doesn’t work on my Alexa-enabled device anymore. Obviously I’m winning at life.

Vor 22 Tage
Bill McNeely
Bill McNeely

“Forgive me I live in fear of armed men dragging me out of my bed...” someone leaked the raid on Stone! Damn he should’ve not done that in comedy so we could be ready for the raid!

Vor 22 Tage
Igor Schmidlapp
Igor Schmidlapp

I DID IT! I found Stephen's eyeglass frames! Brand: BARTON PERREIRA... Style: "TAUPIN" ... "RAVEN TORTOISE GRADIENT" FRAME... "ANTIQUE GOLD" TEMPLES... Hard to find now... cheapest new price... 455 USD... Barton Perreira doesn't even list them on their website any more... Stephen got them in July, 2016 (from 7-11-16 show clip)... DAMN YOU, Barton Perreira!

Vor 22 Tage
DrBraxy Gilkey
DrBraxy Gilkey

Aaaaaaaaaannnnnnddddddd THIS is exactly why I refuse to have Alexa! LMBO!!!! :o)

Vor 22 Tage
Phoenix Patten
Phoenix Patten

That said. My doctor told me to eat more fruit. But. He didn't say how I had to spell it.

Vor 22 Tage
Nepharius •
Nepharius •

My alexa activated. Thanks Colbert.

Vor 22 Tage
Samplease65
Samplease65

The audience didnt forgive him! He's going to burn! :(

Vor 22 Tage
Born Blazed
Born Blazed

you confiscated your writers bags of pot! Confess! thats why the jokes arn't hitting as much

Vor 22 Tage
acct4u
acct4u

English?

Vor 22 Tage
Janne Aalto
Janne Aalto

Sounds like most of the audience weren't three laws compliant.

Vor 22 Tage
Jennifer Wayans
Jennifer Wayans

✔ With Age, Stephen gets Wiser

Vor 22 Tage
shua shua
shua shua

1st law of robotics is the best joke.

Vor 22 Tage
Caddy Vayers
Caddy Vayers

Android users are immune to that trap.

Vor 22 Tage
Richard Plaskett
Richard Plaskett

Memo to the President. Sir After today please don't pay any attention to Sean Hannity, Rush Limbaugh, Laura Ingham, Judge Jeanne, & FOX & Friends. and a few other conservative nuts @ FOX NEWS. you WILL NEVER  succeed Listing to them. Your political career and reputation will go further down the toilet than it already is. Embraces Nancy. Start by calling her MADAM SPECKER. Meet with her often. AND show a little respect .  above all listen!!!!! and learn. If you don't you won't politically  make it in 2020 ( unless Mullier get you first) Tackle some issues you can win like " infrastructure,  Health insurance ,  Common scene Immigration. Leave that conservative BS ALONE ..It not a winning ticket.  I assume you like to accomplish something in the next 2years. Be like the chameleon Learn how to adapt ...   PS I usually charge  for this priceless info, but for you it free

Vor 22 Tage
TheReal008Zulu
TheReal008Zulu

I drown my Froot Loops in bourbon.

Vor 22 Tage

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